I recently read a thought-provoking article on “the most overlooked characteristic of who you want to marry“. Kevin Thompson wrote about “In sickness and in health”.
Few people consider sickness and suffering when picking a mate.
They consider how the other person might look in the morning or what bad habits they might have.
They consider what offspring they could produce or what extended family they might bring to the reunion.
Yet few people ever consider what is a vital question — can I suffer with this person?
I want to think about another “overlooked characteristic of who you want to marry” – can I pray with this person?
Let me make some points so I’m not misunderstood:
- I’m not suggesting that relationships between people of different beliefs do not work
- I’m not suggesting that relationships where a couple do not pray together do not work
I am suggesting that a couple think about this, talk about it. And also note, in your thinking, in your talking together – that the way we pray changes, it grows (at least we hope it does).
If you want to be in a relationship that prays together, how often do you want to do this? Weekly? Daily? More than once a day?
How do you think you will sustain this? Will you pray aloud spontaneously? Can you sit together in silent prayer and meditation for an extended period? Can you sing together? Pray grace together at meals? Pray some parts of the Daily Office together, or use another formal format together?
What do you think?
Somebody told me that there be four levels of prayer: alone, with your partner, with your kids and partner, with your parish; and that the first three should be done daily.
And I agree with him!
For now, my husband and I pray together twice a day. I suppose that when we have kids, we’ll replace the daily evensong by a shorter form of prayer, the length whereof be fitted for the children.
Curiously enough (for your article), when Nicolas and I met for the first time, we also discussed “wheelchair probabilities”, and what the survivor should do if the other dies prematurely.
And I agree with him and you, Georges. Blessings.
Good reminder, Bosco. We have seasons and times where we pray more together than others, similarly with praying together as a family with the children: there are times where that seems to work more easily than others. I’d like to say it’s routine, but usually more seasonal (Lent and Advent, or any particular issue arising in the wider family we feel needs praying for).