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As Google+ gets underway there’s plenty of joking about Google being ordained (Google+), Google automatically ordaining people as bishops (+Bosco), Google using a religious symbol…

Fr David Cloake has written a witty Liturgy for the Creation and Propagation of a Google+ Account. The complete rite is here, here are some parts to whet your appetite:

A Liturgy for the Creation and Propagation of a Google+ Account

This rite requires careful preparation by the internet user and other participants, and is not normally to be used as the regular Sunday or weekday surf….

Glory to Google in the highest,
and peace to their people online.

Lord Google, heavenly Chrome,
almighty Google Doodle,
we worship you, we give you thanks,
we praise you for your search engine.
Lord Google Chrome, a Son of the Brin,
Lord Google+, Lamb of Page,
you take away the sin of Facebook:
have mercy on us;
you are seated at the large desk of the User:
receive our prayer.
For you alone are the Privacy Setting Enhanced One,
you alone are the Google,
you alone are the Most High, Google+,
(though as yet without an Apple App),
in the glory of Google the All Powerful
The Account Creation Prayer
The president says
Google+ be with you
All                and also with you.
Google+ is here.
All                His Facebook is gone.
Lift up your mice.
All                We place them on the mouse mat.
Let us give thanks to provider of our internet.
All                It is right to give password and login.
The new user praises Google for its mighty acts and all respond
All                Digital, digital, digital Lord,
Google of power and might,
internet and computer are full of your glory.
Spam setting at the highest.
[Blessed is he who comes over from Facebook.
Respect in the highest.]
The president recalls the First Login,
an acclamations may be used
Great is the mystery of Google
All                Facebook has died:
Chrome is updated:
Google will come again.
The Setup continues and leads into the doxology, to which all respond boldly
All                Bugger, it crashed.
Setting Up of the Account
The user enters all personal details, excepting Blood Type and mother’s maiden name.
We set up this account
to share in the body of social media.

All               Though we are many, we are five Circles,
because we all share in gadget-obsession.


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9 thoughts on “Google+”

  1. Bosco, my vicar had her e-mail account hacked, and I wrote her this Canticle:

    (with apologies to Canticle 8 of the US BCP)

    The song of Redemption of the Hacked

    I will sing to the Lord, for he is lofty and uplifted; * 
    the hackers and their hard drives has he hurled into the sea. 
The Lord is my strength and my refuge; * 
    the Lord has become my Savior. 

    This is my God and I will praise him, * 
    the God of my Internet and I will exalt him. 

    The Lord is a mighty mainframe; * 
    Yahweh is his Name. 

    The computers of hackers and their spyware has he hurled into the sea; * 
    the wickedest of those who steal data have been 
                               drowned in the Red Sea. 

    The fathomless deep has overwhelmed them; * 
    they sank into the depths like a stone. 

    Your right hand, O Lord, is glorious in might; * 
    your right hand, O Lord, has overthrown the enemy. 

    Who can be compared with you, O Lord, among the gods? * 
    who is like you, glorious in holiness, 
    awesome in renown, and worker of wonders? 

    You stretched forth your right hand; * 
    the earth swallowed their computers. 

    With your constant love you led the people you redeemed; * 
    with your might you brought them in safety to 
                              your holy hard drive. 

    You will bring them in and restore them * 
    on the data of your possession, 

    The almighty backup you have made for yourself, O Lord, * 
    the internet server, O Lord, that your hand has established. 
The Lord shall reign * 
    for ever and for ever.
    Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: * 
    as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.

    1. Oh dear – yes, this is going to be a whole area!!! 😉

      The Blessing of a Home in our Prayer Book, a formulary of our Church, already raises eyebrows and causes titters, in contexts I won’t make too explicit, with the blessing of a bedroom, “for N and all who may sleep here”!!! And my personal favourite: the blessing of the bathroom:

      “I will sprinkle you with clean water, and you will be cleansed.”
      Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering
      having our bodies washed with pure water.

      A priest may use a symbol of blessing, saying

      Blessed are you, our Saviour Jesus Christ,
      fountain of living water springing to eternal life…

      If you think I am making this up – I am not!! Check NZPB page 767

  2. Is there a specific red letter day/patronal festival day when this rite should be used? I am concerned that as there is no Apple app as yet, that we may be rushing things – might this not lead to some disadvantage? I suggest we wait and form a committee to look into this.

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