collarThanks to Deacon John Giglio for emailing the following, and biretta tip to Fr. Tomas Del Valle-Reyes for writing it – a bit of a chuckle in this Year for Priests – but with a point (as with all good humour) – and I’m sure criticism is relevant in other contexts than priests…

If the priest is good looking: Why didn’t he marry?
If he is unattractive: He did not find anyone to marry!
If it wears civilian clothes: he is a worldly one.
If it wears his clerical suit: he is a traditionalistic conservative.
If he does not treat to people with affection: He radiates coldness!
If he treats you nice with a smile: Careful, he has doubtful intentions!
If he has long hair: oh, these revolutionary priests!
If he has short hair: what old fashioned!
If he remains in the parochial house: he does not visit the families.
If he starts making some visits: oh, he’s never in the parish!
If he starts doing some adjustment: he’s throwing money out of the window.
If he does not do it: he has everything abandoned
If he celebrates all baptisms and marriages: He is not following the sacraments.
If He insists on the previous preparation: oh, he makes it so difficult for people.
If he has parochial advisers: He lets others run his life
If it does not have parochial advisers: he is an individualist!

If he renews anything at the parish: what came over him now?
If he does no changes: He never does anything at this parish!
If his Homily takes over 20 minutes: He’s like a radio station, will never finish speaking!
If his homily is brief: he does not explain the things well.
If it speaks with strong voice: he yells too much!
If he does in natural tone: oh he can’t talk!
If he touches social problems: he’s getting into politics.
If he speaks of Devotion & commitment: He’s old fashioned, get rid of him!!
If he walks alone: he’s a hermit and keeps to himself.
If he walks with men: aha, I think he likes men, maybe he’s gay?
If he walks with women: aha, bet he’s in love and soon he’ll leave the church or who knows ! ! !
If he is young: he has no experience, I will not listen to him! ! !
If he is old: He should retire or move to a senior’s home already!
But… if he goes away or dies: Oh he is really irreplaceable!

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