Thanks to Deacon John Giglio for emailing the following, and biretta tip to Fr. Tomas Del Valle-Reyes for writing it – a bit of a chuckle in this Year for Priests – but with a point (as with all good humour) – and I’m sure criticism is relevant in other contexts than priests…
If the priest is good looking: Why didn’t he marry?
If he is unattractive: He did not find anyone to marry!
If it wears civilian clothes: he is a worldly one.
If it wears his clerical suit: he is a traditionalistic conservative.
If he does not treat to people with affection: He radiates coldness!
If he treats you nice with a smile: Careful, he has doubtful intentions!
If he has long hair: oh, these revolutionary priests!
If he has short hair: what old fashioned!
If he remains in the parochial house: he does not visit the families.
If he starts making some visits: oh, he’s never in the parish!
If he starts doing some adjustment: he’s throwing money out of the window.
If he does not do it: he has everything abandoned
If he celebrates all baptisms and marriages: He is not following the sacraments.
If He insists on the previous preparation: oh, he makes it so difficult for people.
If he has parochial advisers: He lets others run his life
If it does not have parochial advisers: he is an individualist!
If he renews anything at the parish: what came over him now?
If he does no changes: He never does anything at this parish!
If his Homily takes over 20 minutes: He’s like a radio station, will never finish speaking!
If his homily is brief: he does not explain the things well.
If it speaks with strong voice: he yells too much!
If he does in natural tone: oh he can’t talk!
If he touches social problems: he’s getting into politics.
If he speaks of Devotion & commitment: He’s old fashioned, get rid of him!!
If he walks alone: he’s a hermit and keeps to himself.
If he walks with men: aha, I think he likes men, maybe he’s gay?
If he walks with women: aha, bet he’s in love and soon he’ll leave the church or who knows ! ! !
If he is young: he has no experience, I will not listen to him! ! !
If he is old: He should retire or move to a senior’s home already!
But… if he goes away or dies: Oh he is really irreplaceable!
Excellent!
So sadly true! A chuckle but it is also not funny at the same time. I say this as an employee of a parish who hears it all! And as an employee of a parish that is fortunate to have a great pastor… regardless of what so many might be inclined to say.
And if he’s a she, a lot will just remove the conditional clauses above and apply the criticisms liberally!
Love it… slightly different context for us Anglicans but still love it. I’ve just read George Herbert’s classic book, “Priest to the Temple or the Country Parson.” Kind of a hand book for the Priesthood (although written in 1636). But dear George probably never faced the sort of parishioners we have making these comments. Love it!
Poor guy, he cannot win!
If you see George Herbert on the road, kill him!
You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one Father- Indeed when you go, who is going to replace you? That’s what we folks have to ask every time we see a Priest: When you go, who will replace you?